The question of personality, and where it truly resides, gets at the core of something fascinating: is our personality something we create and observe, or is it the lens through which we observe the world? Are we the actors or the audience—or somehow, both at once?
This question leads us into the debate of the “observer” versus the “observed.” Do we actively shape our personality from some central seat of self-awareness, or is our personality just a collection of habits, behaviors, and tendencies we step back and watch unfold? Let’s dig in.
The Observer: Self as the Watcher
One perspective is that our personality lies in the *observer*—the part of us that feels like it’s watching and making sense of our actions, thoughts, and feelings. This is often the self we associate with mindfulness or self-awareness, the inner “I” that seems detached from the chaos of our daily lives. It’s the part that feels constant, even as everything else about us—the body, thoughts, memories, and even personality traits—shifts over time.
This observer-self watches how we react to situations, notices our thoughts and emotions, and occasionally wonders why we are the way we are. In this view, personality becomes a kind of story the observer witnesses—a role we play in the larger unfolding of our lives. This perspective leans on the idea that personality is something that can be noticed, reflected upon, and, with enough effort, even changed.
But if we’re the observer, if we’re not inherently *in* our personality, then where does that leave the quirks, passions, and preferences that seem so essential to who we are?
The Observed: Personality as Performance
On the flip side, there’s a case to be made that our personality lies in the *observed*—the patterns of behavior, emotions, and attitudes that make up our identity in the eyes of others and even ourselves. This is the version of us that reacts automatically, gets passionate about specific topics, and navigates the world through our particular likes, dislikes, and biases. In this sense, personality could be seen as a script, a sequence of responses and attitudes that play out in different contexts.
This "observed" personality is more dynamic and adaptable. Think about how you might act at work compared to how you are with close friends or alone. If personality is something we perform or express, then the observer is secondary, simply bearing witness to the personality’s choices. In this sense, personality might feel less like a core essence and more like a carefully curated, subconscious mask that’s constantly shifting based on the social context.
The Observer and the Observed: Can We Be Both?
The boundary between the observer and the observed blurs when we recognize that personality seems to encompass both perspectives. We are the observer, watching ourselves with a degree of detachment—but we’re also embedded in that observed self, experiencing the world in real time through our personality's lens.
This paradox might suggest that personality isn’t a fixed object or an unchanging observer but rather a fluid interplay between observing and being observed. Perhaps our personality is like a movie we’re acting in and watching at the same time. We have some sense of self-awareness, but our reactions often emerge from a place beyond conscious control. In other words, personality could be a feedback loop between these two roles.
Personality as an Ongoing Creation
In this framework, personality becomes a co-created experience between the observer and the observed, shaped by both conscious reflection and automatic behavior. We might see personality not as a fixed trait but as an evolving product of how we see ourselves and how we react to the world around us.
Interestingly, this means our personality isn’t as stable as we might assume. If we see personality as something we can observe, then we also open up the possibility to reshape it. By becoming more mindful, we might influence how our personality expresses itself over time. At the same time, our observed behaviors also teach the observer who “we” are, influencing what we believe about ourselves.
Why This Matters
If we accept that personality is neither strictly the observer nor the observed but rather both, then we get to a liberating idea: personality can change. We’re not as rigidly locked into our traits and tendencies as we might think. Through conscious effort, we can learn to respond differently, cultivating qualities that align more with who we aspire to be.
On the flip side, if we understand that our personality partly exists as an observed pattern, we can forgive ourselves for the parts that feel reflexive or hard to control. Our quirks and knee-jerk reactions aren’t flaws—they’re simply part of the package that is “us” in this life.
Final Thoughts
The question of whether personality resides in the observer or the observed brings us to a deeper understanding of self. If we’re both actor and audience, then our personality is an evolving story, one we can guide but also one that takes on a life of its own. By accepting both perspectives, we gain flexibility, seeing ourselves not as rigid characters but as dynamic beings with the power to adapt.
So maybe personality isn’t *where* we are—it’s the journey between both perspectives, and maybe that’s the whole point.
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